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All Credit goes to the original author
Legolas grimaced at the thought of seeing his friend, Aragorn, in pink pantyhos (long story, not gonna get into it) singing 'jailhouse rock' and dancing on the battlefield.
Actually, he down right covered his face and cryed when his 'friend' (teehee) would do something this...this...bleck. I mean, to do something so...bleck, was an offense to Iluvatar himself.
"Oh gosh no." Legolas prayed to Eru as Aragorn began stripping in front of the Orcs.
"..." is the only thing he could 'say' and/or 'do'. As Aragorn did the um, *cough* *cough* worm, in the nude, wearing nothing, but hello kitty socks (teehee), Gimli busted a gut as he mowed down `em Orcs and finally exploded.
"Am I back at the club in Edoras!?" Eomer randomly burst out, everyone turning to his direction. He quickly, and percisively, threw a random corn dog that appeared in his hand through thin air at Elessar which hit him in his...lets say 'little workers'.
Aragorn wept as he weaved back and forth, holding his *cough* 'little workers'. Meriadoc and Peregrin both ran to assist Strider, and, instead, toppled over eachother and cursed. Alot. Too many words for such a 'innocent' little fish pop like Pippin.
Warning: because there are so many children on these days I will 'bleep' out the cuss words.
" 'Bleep' you 'bleepin' little 'bleep' tard I hate your 'bleepin' guts, you are such a 'bleepin' retard Meriadoc 'bleepin' buck (teehee). You and your 'bleepin' so called nikes you 'bleepin' bleeper' of 'bleepinstein' I HATE YOU, I HATE YOU 'BLEEP' 'BLEEP'!!!" Pippin colorfully put. Merry stoud still and silent for some short time.
3 hours later;
Pippin snickered and placed a funky hairdo on his head for the finishing touch. Merry came out of his 'colorful' trance and began feeling...spicy. Pippin flipped on the song 'thriller' and Meriadoc danced like Michael Jackson.
Merry wore a suit like MJ wore on did the moon walk and then a black flip over a cooeing Aragorn and landed with a split. "WOOO!!" Merry and Pippin victoriously cried.
On Minas Tirith... Eomer and Eowyn and Gandalf and Denethor -- wait, Denethor? your dead fool! and Gandalf pushed him off the top of the peak of the white city -- and Theoden, who miraculously came back to life, and Grima and Saruman and the Prince from Dol Amroth and Elfhelm and Elladan and Elrohir and Elrond and Arwen and Galdriel and Celeborn and Bilbo and Radagast and Gwaihir and the other Eagles and the Balrog and Azog, who also came back to life, and Gimli and Legolas and J.R.R Tolkien all applauded and some farted the 'the road goes ever on and on' one of them being Bilbo and Galadriel she`s a number one player for a good gas stanza.
Aragorn, however, was too badly hurt by that corn dog 'incident' (everyone glare at Eomer) so he laid there on the ground and sang Thriller by himself in a high-pitched voice (just amagine it :) ).
1 day later;
Aragorn woke up in a full body cast with an I.V in his...*cough* (you know what im talking about right?). Gandalf was the first one to greet him. Aragorn sort of felt enlightened.
"Hello Elessar!" he said as he pulled out his pipe and puffed smoke rings."Mmmmm, sweet tobacco, or is that meth. Whatever." Gandalf talked to himself and Aragorn began crying.
"Well I gotta get on the road to black shores or death or pretty blue rainbow ponies galloping into the sunset, or I might just die. Good bye Hellstar, I think." Gandalf quickly snapped then smacked Aragorn on the face, hard.
Next one to meet him was Eomer, who put him in that cast (he got trampled by a thousand Orcs, though I just didn`t tell ya).
"Salutat-i-ons my brother from another mo-ther!" Eomer gangsterly said. I think. Aragorn glared and slammed his casted leg against Eomers *cough* 'little workers'.
"Oooooh!...so -- ah eeh oh -- you know?" Aragorn nodded undoubtedly. Eomer just decided to leave him be. And he left, like a cheetah.
Everyone met him and left in a recorded time of 4 seconds.
Arwen laughed, because she didn`t end up in the cast (she won the bet and he had to go out and where pink pantyhos and sing jailhouse rock, if you don`t remember scroll up to the 1st sentence).
many weeks later;
Aragorn was finally free of the cast. He became the king, he married Arwen and made very close friends. as he sang his song, him and his wife walked up the the peak of the white city (where Denethor 'fell') and they kissed so romantically. She whispered in his ear and said:
"I love you. Goodbye." he bent his head at that last part but, then, she through him off the peak and he fell, and landed with a sickening crunch.
"Im okay!!!" he yelled up. They all laughed and went inside and had a beer chugging contest.
Gimli vs Legolas -- Winner; Gimli, chugging 30 ales then collapsing.
Arwen vs Elrond -- Winner; Arwen, chugging 31 ales then dieing.
Samwise vs Frodo -- Winner; Frodo, chugging 40 ales then became a homosexual.
Balrog vs Azog -- Winner; Balrog, chugging 100 ales. All his flame turned to alcohol.
Tolkien vs Bilbo -- Winner; Bilbo, chugging 51 ales then made out with Galadriel.
..The End..
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