Tuesday, February 3, 2009

Feeling Unloved

Written by: rosethorn59
You can read the original here:
All credit goes to the original author

It was a beautiful morning in the woods, and in the extensive gardens around Mirkwood’s royal residence. There was a warm breeze and the scent of pine and sweet-scented flowers filled the air. Butterflies flitted here and there, and the drone of bees could be heard in the flower beds. It was a day when everyone craved to be outside in the warm sunshine. Everyone except Legolas Greenleaf.

Legolas had not slept well that night, and woke up in a very bad mood. He and his father had had a disagreement the night before and he did not want to get out of bed and face his Adar, or anyone else for that matter. He did not even feel like getting out of bed to do the things that he knew he would have to do; such as his chores, studying and homework, none of which sounded appealing today. The young Elfling got out of bed to open the curtains, then changed his mind and plopped back down on the bed. He put his arms behind his head and stared at the ceiling, sighing and pouting. He just knew this was going to be a very bad day; and he was still upset with his father, which made his mood all the worse.

He was angry. And what made it even worse was the fact that his Nana was not even there; she was in a nearby village visiting with her family; so she could not even be there to be the intermediary between his father and himself. She never took sides, but always made Legolas feel better and calmed Ada down, so he was not so grumpy. Well, sometimes, she took Legolas’ side. He loved her so much and was really missing her even though she had only been gone a few days. He really wished she was here now, to protect him from his father’s anger.

Legolas took much to heart. He was a very sensitive child, and his father had been very upset and yelled at him. His Ada seldom got that angry with him and Legolas was concerned about what was going to come of that. That made him feels very uneasy.

Just then a maid knocked at the door. “Legolas?” she called. She received no answer, “Are you all right, Legolas?” Again he did not reply, so she quietly walked into his room and shut the door. “What is wrong, my dear?” she asked him sweetly.

“Nothing,” he quietly mumbled, not taking his eyes off the ceiling..

“Are you planning on getting up, today? It is so beautiful outside,” she stated happily as she walked to the other side of the room and opened the curtains. Then she turned to face the youngster still on the bed." We should also let some fresh air in here, do you not think Legolas? It is stuffy in this room. Or perhaps I should not. Do you feel all right; are you ill?” she asked him.

The longer she was there, the more irritated Legolas became. “No, go away and leave me alone!” he yelled at her.

Now she was concerned about him. “Is there anything I can do to help you, my dear?” she sweetly asked him again.

“No,” he screamed at her. “Go away!!” he yelled as he threw his pillow and the toys on the chair by his bed at her, almost knocking her down. She just stood there, mouth agape. This wasn’t like her sweet Legolas. She could not figure out what was wrong.

“Would you like your breakfast here in your room today, Legolas?” I would be more than happy to get it for you. Then perhaps we could have a talk.” Then in a quiet, endearing voice, she asked him, “What happened, Legolas, to put you in this mood?”

“I don’t want breakfast in bed, I don’t want it at all,” Legolas answered harshly, ignoring her questions.

“All right, my dear, if you decide you want to talk to someone else besides your Naneth and Adar, you know I am always here to talk to as well; if you have need or just wish to visit,” she remarked, looking at him with a half smile. He still would not look at her. She had no idea what was wrong, but thought she would bring it up later with the King.

“Goodbye, Legolas, I hope you have a good day in spite of your problem,” she said to the Elfling as she walked out the door and closed it behind her.

In spite of the way he was feeling; the anger he had directed towards his father the previous day; he did feel guilty about the way he had treated his friend. All she ever did was to try and help him; and cheer him up when he was down. They usually had very nice conversations while she cleaned his room. He really cared about her and she had always been there for him. He had known her his entire life. He looked sadly at his toys on the floor by the door. The longer he thought about the way he had yelled at her, and had actually thrown those toys at her, the worse he felt… He knew he had hurt her feelings and now wished he had not but he did not know what to do about it right now. He knew he should go and apologize to her, but that would be very awkward and embarrassing to him and he did not think he could do it at the moment. So, he decided to deal with it at a later time.

A short while later, Legolas heard familiar footsteps quickly coming down the corridor towards his room. He knew it was his Adar, and when he walked like that it usually meant he was angry about something. Legolas was afraid that this time he might be the one who his father would direct that anger at. He wondered if his Adar was still angry with him about the day before. Legolas was now feeling a little uneasy.

The king knocked twice on the door. “Legolas!?" he called in a loud booming voice. “Either answers me or I am coming in.” He got no reply, so he pushed against the door to gain entrance. Then he looked down at the toys that had hindered his a admittance and closed it behind him. He had a very serious look on his face which Legolas could not quite read, but made him very nervous nonetheless.

“Legolas,” Thranduil began, I just had a visit with Meril about you.” And we need to have a very serious talk, ion nin, about your behavior…”

“Did she tell you what happened?” Legolas asked, anxiously.

“Yes, she told me she was very concerned about you and thought you may not be feeling well. She also mentioned you were acting very unlike yourself.; and I may add from what she said that you are not acting like the Princeling you are. She also mentioned that you were very angry and yelling at her. . She definitely knew something was wrong or else she would not have come to me about it. And,” he mentioned as he looked at the toys by the door again, “as I can see; I expect you were throwing things at her as well.”

“You don’t yell at your elders or your friends, Legolas, or anyone for that matter, and you never throw things at anyone. She could have been hurt. You are going to see Meril at once and you will apologize to her.”

“But, Ada, I really do feel bad about what I said and did to her.” Legolas replied, trying to reason with his father so he would not have to go. “I was going to go and apologize to her later, honestly.” Legolas looked sadly up at his father with his big blue eyes, hoping that would work this time; as it sometimes did.

“That is a good thing that you do feel that way, ion-nin, but that is not enough. You also need to let Meril know that, because you hurt her feelings, and she cares for you very much.” The King was trying to get Legolas to see how very important this was.

“Did she tell you that, too?” Legolas asked him.

“She did not have to, I just know her,” his Adar sighed. “ What you did was very unkind, my son, and you must apologize to her now.”

“I cannot, Ada. I feel bad now, but I don’t want her to hate me and she might because I was bad to her.”

“She doesn’t hate you, she loves you, Legolas, I just told you that,” the king stated. “Why is this so difficult for you? All you have to do is apologize, ion nin.”

“Adar. Can I not put this off for a little while until I know that she feels better about it…and me?”

“No, Legolas, this is something you cannot put off. You must do it now.”

“No, Adar, please don’t make me go! I can’t, I will be embarrassed,” Legolas stated anxiously.

“Don’t you think she might be embarrassed, too? You have to think and see outside of yourself, my son; that is what is called empathy,” Thranduil was trying to reason with him again.

“I know what empathy is and I feel it,” Legolas replied very sadly.. But I still would like to deal with it later. Is that all right?” Legolas asked him very innocently.

“No, ion-nin, that is not all right. You *will* accompany me to see Meril to apologize to her for being so rude to her and for treating her so very discourteously.” Thranduil was very determined. He took his son’s hand and the Elfling still would not move, he just looked defiantly up at his father. “Legolas!” his father yelled, grabbing his son’s arm and turning Legolas to face him. “You created this problem, and now you will go and fix it. Immediately, Legolas and I will not hear another word about it.”

“You are not acting like my little Greenleaf at all, Legolas. You are acting like a rude, spoiled little Elfling. What has come over you?” he asked, his voice tinged with anger once again.

“You yelled at me yesterday and treated me like a baby. It really hurt my feelings, Ada.”

“Well, if you had not acted like one, I would not have treated you that way. And if you want anyone else to ever treat you any differently than that, also, you are going to have to change your attitude, and show them all the same courtesy they show you. And also act your age and not like a tiny Elfling.” Thranduil dug at him.

“If you are not going to be adult enough to go and talk to Meril, you will have to be punished and not be allowed to go outside for a few days. Until you see reason in this situation. Or until I tell you that you can come out.” Thranduil had a feeling that this would not even work, but it was worth a try. “I suppose you could apologize to her when next she comes to your room.”

“Fine,” Legolas yelled back at him. “I did not want to go outside today, anyway,” he answered, even though he did feel a little panicked at the thought of Meril coming too soon. That would be tomorrow! He realized and felt fear at that thought.

Legolas walked to his room with a very heavy heart, but he was still very glad to be out of that situation with his father at the moment. Then he walked over to his bed, plopped down on it, and cried.

His father hated him. That had to be it. Legolas just knew that he wanted him to go away and be gone. He could just tell by the way his father yelled at him so much, and he did that so seldom; almost never. And all the anger he was taking out on him. His Adar kept yelling at him, and he was so angry. He had never stayed angry that long before. For two whole days in a row, now. This was truly frightening for Legolas. Was his father acting this way because he had suddenly stopped caring about him? What had he really done to lose the love of his father? Perhaps his Ada had never truly cared about him that much to begin with. ‘But how could that be?’ he asked himself. Perhaps his Ada had just changed. He knew his mother loved him. She had never yelled at him, or was ever really angry with him. They had always told him that they loved him, and had always treated him like they did.

What had he done to deserve this? Maybe his father had changed his mind about his love for him? His Ada was ashamed of him, he was just sure of it; and he was ashamed of himself, because of it. If his father did not love him very much, maybe he should just leave. Perhaps then his Ada would be happier and would not be so angry. If his father did not love him, he still loved his Ada. He wanted him to be happy, so he decided to leave.

He went back to his room, pulled his pack out from under his bed, and very quickly and quietly, threw a few of his things into the pack. He quietly left his room, sneaked down the hallway, and flew down a flight of stairs to the kitchens to stock up on food.

While he was down there, he saw his friend Meril, just finishing up baking bread rolls. ’Oh, it smells so good,’ he thought.

Meril then caught sight of the young Elfling. “Is there anything I can help you with, dear? How about a couple of fresh baked rolls? I have to admit, they’re very good. I made them myself.”

"Is that how you know they are good, because you made them yourself?”

“It’s called ‘having confidence in yourself’” She whispered quietly to the young Elfling.

“Meril, I came down for food, but now that I’m down here, I want to tell you that I am very, very sorry for what I said and did earlier. I was just angry because Ada yelled at me once yesterday and once today. He hardly ever yells at me. Do you hate me now for what I did and said? I would understand if you did. I was behaving very badly. Ada wanted me to come down here with him to apologize to you, but I wasn’t ready to, yet, even though he insisted. ”It feels better with just you and me.”

“I love you, sweetie, I could never hate you; never; I almost think of you as my own son, I love you that much…don’t ever doubt that again. I’m tough skinned, I can take a lot. and Legolas, you do need to do things in your own time…even though I know your father wanted you to come down, earlier. But it is also important to listen to your father and do as he says. He *is* your father, after all. But it still means so much more coming from just you.”

“So, you’re not angry with me or embarrassed because of my behavior?” Legolas asked hopefully.

"No, my little Greenleaf, I am not angry with you or embarrassed by your behavior. So you can stop worrying about that. I was just concerned about you, that is all, love.” She smiled.

Legolas smiled in return, and looked very relieved. He ran over to her and gave her a big hug.

“I love you, Meril, and I am also glad that is over with,”

“Me too, my little Greenleaf.”

“So, you came down for food, huh? Something good to eat?” she asked. “How about a couple of my famous rolls, would you like those?” She asked him, again, eyeing his pack.

“Yes, those would be great; and maybe some fruit?” Legolas asked quietly.

“Of Course. Are you planning to go on a picnic, Legolas? I see you have your pack.”

“No, I’m just going outside for a while and thought I might get hungry,” he answered as he stuffed his pack full of the goodies.

“That is a good thing to take a snack along, then. Where were you thinking of going? Out to the gardens for a while?”

“Oh, I don’t know, somewhere,” he answered as nonchalantly as he could, hoping she would not notice.

“All right. You have a good day, then.“ She replied.

“Goodbye, Meril,”

“Goodbye, sweetheart, see you later,”

Legolas then walked very quietly up the stairs and out the door of the palace. Once outside, he flew to his favorite tree to think what he might do next. He had two favorite places where he always hid when he was frightened or upset. This tree or some bushes nearby. He was not sure what to do next, though. He had to get out of here.

By this time, Meril had gotten a message to the king. When he heard the news about his son, he felt an immediate tightness in his chest, frightened that it was he and his temperament that had something to do with this. If it did, he would not know what he was going to do to make things all right between his Greenleaf and himself. ‘What was I thinking?' he thought to himself. ‘I have been treating my son worse than he was acting towards Meril‘. “What have I done?” he mumbled to himself, not realizing that his son had just wondered the very same thing a short while before. Thranduil was desperate to find him. He could not even comprehend the thought of his youngster being out there, in the wild, in potential danger. This just made him sick to think about. Perhaps he should tell his wife? No, he thought, not unless the situation did not improve. He just knew he would find him. He absolutely had to. So, he gathered up as many guards as he could and had them scouring the area, looking for Legolas in the gardens, and the immediate vicinity.

Legolas saw them and panicked; he did not want to be caught; especially this soon. And he also just remembered his father knew about his hiding places. So, he had to leave here and find a place to hide for the time-being, before he could run away. He climbed out of the tree, taking care that no one could see him, slinking around bushes and tree groves, or whatever he could find to hide behind, or climb under or dive through, on his way to the front gates. When he arrived at the front entrance, he walked very quickly, but quietly towards the gates. He then slowly made his way past some guards at the front gate.

They were visiting among themselves, so they did not hear the young Elfling pass by them; but Legolas could hear his heart thumping in his chest and hoped the guards did not hear it as well. He slowly passed behind them, hiding in all the hallway nooks and crannies he could find. Then he ran as fast as he could towards his father’s chambers which were unlocked at the time, better luck for him. Then he looked around for a good place to hide in his father’s bedroom, and decided to hide under the bed covers. They could never find him there. He would be virtually invisible. So, he dove underneath the blankets and covered himself up as best he could. Unfortunately he did not realize that he had accidentally left one foot sticking out from under the covers.

Thranduil desperately looked for Legolas in his usual hiding places, and panicked when he found that Legolas wasn’t there. Then he got even more frightened when his men told him they could not find the little Elf anywhere on the grounds. Thranduil thought that Legolas must be seriously upset if he was not in one of his usual places. He feared that his son may have run out into the woods. So, he took some of his men out to look for him in the nearby vicinity in the woods. He was absolutely nowhere to be found. So, it was decided that a large group of men, himself included, would go out in the woods to hunt for him until they found his Princeling. The frantic king knew the trip might take some time and be dangerous, so he went up to his rooms to retrieve his weaponry for the hunt, and there to his surprise and relief, he noticed a big lump under his bedcovers and a little foot sticking out from underneath them. His bed? What a choice of places to hide, he thought.

Legolas was scared to death that he was going to get caught, because he heard someone else in the room, with him. He heard a sharp intake of breath, and then a big sigh. Who was it? Could it be his Ada? It had to be. But he thought his father would not be able to find him under all those covers... Surely not? So, was he safe?

Thranduil sighed in tremendous relief, but decided to pretend he did not know that Legolas was there and put all the emotion into it that he could. "Oh, Legolas, I wish I could find you, I am so worried about you. What shall I do if I can never find you? I love you so, and you could be taken away from me...in the forest where wild animals could eat you, or spiders could attack you, or even Orcs may find you. Oh, I love you so much, my little Greenleaf. Perhaps I will never get to see you again. And I will never even know what happened to you. You are breaking my heart."

Then a little voice from under the covers said, “I was still angry and frightened, Ada. So I thought I should just leave here. I thought you wanted me to. That way neither of us would be angry anymore. And you would not have to deal with me, anymore.”

“Frightened? Of me? My little Greenleaf, you never ever need fear me. What made you feel that way?”

“I do not know, Ada, I guess it was because you were so angry and yelling at me…two days in a row. How did you know that I was in here and under the blankets?”

“Well, let us say you do not hide very well, Legolas.”

“Maybe when I get older, I will be able to hide better, “ Legolas replied cheerfully.

“Yes, my Legolas,“ he answered with a mysterious grin on his face. “Perhaps you shall.”

Just then the covers came down just enough to see a pair of big, sad blue eyes, which looked very guiltily at his father. "Well, there you are, Legolas. I was beginning to think I was just talking to a bunch of blankets on a bed. Thranduil replied with a much lighter tone to his voice. Then Thranduil went over to the bed, picked his Greenleaf up and held him close.

Then his voice changed to one of a very serious nature." I was so worried about you and I was afraid you did not want to see me, again, Legolas, the same as you felt about me. But we were both very wrong, Legolas. There is nothing in this world as precious as family. I looked in your usual hiding places, which you knew I would, and I could not find you. Do you know how frightened that made me, my son? Supposing you had been lost to your Ada and Nana, Legolas; that would be the worst thing in this world for me. For you and your mother mean everything to me.”

“Why did you hide in here, tithen pen?" Thranduil asked curiously.

"I thought it would be safer in here, because you never yell at anyone in here; not at Nana, the guards, not at anyone.” “I thought maybe it would work for me and you would not yell at me in here, either, Ada.”

“Thranduil smiled sweetly at his son's reasoning. “This is not a magical, ‘no yelling allowed ‘room,” Legolas. I have just never had a reason to yell at anyone in here. Believe me, if I had a reason to yell at someone, I probably would. I just have never had a reason to.”

“You did wrong by running away and hiding from us, ion-nin, but under the circumstances, I understand why. You never have a reason to be afraid of your family, though, Legolas, even when you misbehave. Your Nana and I will always love you no matter what. I am not angry with you, Legolas. When I 'do' get angry at you, sometimes, I may raise my voice, not to frighten you, but to correct you about something you did that was disrespectful to your elders, or others. Everyone deserves respect, Legolas, no matter who it is, and you should give it to them. Then they will give it back to you. You should particularly respect your Nana and I. We just want what is best for you.”

“It is wrong of me to yell at anyone, especially you, my Greenleaf. I am disrespecting *you* when I do that. It is usually out of frustration over a difficult situation that just comes with being your father. Yet there is no excuse for it. Sometimes adults just make mistakes, too. I am very sorry, my son, and I hope you can forgive me, Legolas.” The King smiled at his son very sweetly.

“Forgive *you,*Ada?” he asked; the idea being very foreign to him. “I never thought about you making mistakes, before. You did something wrong too, then, did you not, father?” Legolas replied with a sheepish smile. “Then I forgive you, too,” he replied.

“Thank you, ion-nin,” the king gratefully replied.

Legolas crawled off of his father’s lap, jumped on top of the bed and attempted to straighten the bed that way and sat on it when he was done. It was still lumpy and poorly made, but the king appreciated the effort.

“I am very sorry I worried you. I never thought about that. I am also sorry that I was wrong, and gave you a reason to be angry with me," Legolas regretfully replied. “I love you and Naneth, Adar, very, very much and I always will, too.” Legolas now had a big grin on his face, knowing that everything was going to be all right.

"You know, before this little episode happened, I was planning on taking a stroll around the palace grounds, and I was going to ask you if you would like to go with me. But considering the fact that I told you that you could not go out today, and you did not really want to go outside, anyway, I guess I shall just have to walk alone.”

"No, Ada, I really want to go. I would love to go! Can we?" Legolas' heart was happy

again, and he hoped that this meant he might not get a serious punishment for what he had done.

“Yes, my son. But there is also the matter of the punishment I must give you,” Thranduil mentioned as if it were an afterthought, bringing Legolas’ happy mood down for a moment. “What do you think we should do about that?” he asked earnestly. You have apologized to Meril, and you are lucky that she was very gracious about this whole situation. She is a very good woman, and did not deserve to be treated like that. No one does. She loves you very much, Legolas. The same as your Nana and myself. Never forget that. Have you learned that lesson?”

Legolas was now looking down at the floor, checking out the patterns on the marble squares, something he had memorized long ago. “Yes, father, I have, truly.”

“What kind of a punishment do you think you deserve, Legolas?” Since Legolas just looked at him with a sad pout on his face, King Thranduil continued, “Legolas, you did not want to come outside for the day. Let us go for that walk we were going to take before it got so rudely interrupted by the events of the morning. Would you agree to that punishment as a just one?” Thranduil asked.

“Well,” the young Elfling replied as he looked seriously into his father’s kind eyes and took him by the hand. Then a big smile came over his face. I think that is a just one, Ada. Being outside today will be such a hard thing to do,“ he grinned.

The End

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