Written by:xXxSour-LemonxXx
You can read the original here:
All credit goes to the original author

The amazing adventures of Merry and Pippin

It was a blustery day in the Shire and two, slightly taller than average hobbits were strolling along the green fields cheerfully. Both had brown curly hair, not unusual for a hobbit, and wore waistcoats, the slightly taller of the two in a yellow one and the other in green. Both were laughing merrily about the latest prank they had pulled, which (the less disturbing part of) was that they had convinced one Samwise Gamgee that his beloved Rosie Cotton had turned into a spider. They had found it quite amusing to watch the chubby little hobbit walking around with the spider in his hand, promising his beloved that he would return her to her beautiful self in no time.

Yes, Merriodock Brandybuck and Peregrin Took had had a rather amusing day.

But as hobbits like to look it at, the day is not over until your eyes can no longer remain open. And there for, our two young hobbits, who had just emerged from their tweens, were looking for more trouble.

‘Pipe Weed Pip?’ Merry asked, as he pulled his long pipe from his yellow waistcoat. His companion nodded eagerly and also drew his pipe.

It was then that they spotted the white bunny in the black and white stripped waistcoat, holding a pocket watch in its paw.

‘I’m late!’ It squealed loudly.

Finding this most queer, our two young troublemakers hurried over to the worried rabbit and beamed down at him.

‘Excuse me, but what are you late for?’ Merry enquired nosily.

However the rabbit paid them no mind. Finding this rather rude, Pippin went to kick the rabbit, whom strangely was only a head shorter than him, but he hopped off before Pippin could even raise his foot. Pippin grunted in annoyance and kicked the gravel instead.

‘Do you think we are hallucinating?’ Merry asked in an unsure tone. Pippin looked at his friend.

‘Hallusawhating?’ He asked stupidly. Merry chuckled and started to run after the rabbit.

‘Come on, let’s follow it!’ He called over his shoulder.

The two hobbits watched as the rabbit disappeared down the oddly large rabbit hole. Bravely the younger of the two approached the hole and peered down, giving it a little sniff for any disgusting smells.

‘Smells all right,’ He commented.

‘Should we jump, do you reckon?’ Merry asked. They looked at each other, and for need of anything better to do, they nodded.

‘On the count of three…’ Said Merry, as he peered down the dark hole.

‘1… 2… 3!’

And they jumped.

And then they were falling… wait… but were they? It seemed more like they were floating, ungracefully, down a long, round room, which had the most bizarre objects in. Indeed, there was a chair, floating right beside them.

It really seemed a shame to let its presence go to waste. So Pippin sat on it.

‘Why is this room filled with clocks?’ Merry asked, vaguely wondering how he knew the odd round, ticking thing was called a clock. He had certainly never seen one before. However, the name fitted, and so that’s what he decided to call it.

‘You mean those ticking things?’ Pippin asked from his perch on the chair, which was now slowly turning upside down, yet the hobbit was not falling from it.

‘Yeah, have you ever seen them before?’ Merry asked, not in the slightest puzzled that his friend was now upside down.

‘No, never.’

‘Me either.’ Merry shrugged, letting his gaze wonder around the room.

‘Oh, we’re landing,’ Pippin exclaimed suddenly, after a moments silence.

‘How do you know?’ Merry asked, looking down to see no ground beneath them. In fact he could see nothing but darkness, darkness that seemed to go way down.

‘I just do,’ Pippin shrugged, trying, and failing may I add, to look wise.

‘But how?’

‘Because we’ve just touched the ground.’ Pippin laughed. To Merry’s complete amazement his friend was right. They were indeed on ground. The floor was tiled with black and white diamonds and the room they had just floated down was no where in view. There was a ceiling above their heads and a door in front of their eyes. Only, the door was much too small for even a hobbit to enter.

‘What do we do now?’ Merry asked, looking around the room for another way out. The was absolutely nothing else in the room.

‘What’s that on the table?’ Pippin asked, hurrying over to a round table that Merry was certain had not been there moments before.

On the table was a little bottle of what the hobbits could only hope was Ale.

‘It says drink me’ Merry muttered after studying the bottle.

‘Go on then.’

‘What?’

‘Drink it,’

‘Pip, we don’t know what it is,’

‘Yes, but it says ‘drink me’’

‘So if I handed you a bottle of poison that said drink me on it, would you drink it?’ Merry arched his eyebrow. Pippin actually had to think about his response.

‘…Well if you handed it to me id trust that it was ale in the poison bottle.’ Pippin said happily after a moment. Merry simply rolled his eyes and handed the bottle to his idiot friend.

‘Go on then, you first!’

‘Why me?’ Pippin protested, suddenly getting cold feet about the situation.

‘Because.’ Merry stated simply, glaring at his friend who shrugged and pulled of the lid.

‘Bottoms up,’ he grinned, taking a swig of the drink, pulling a face and setting the bottle back down on the table.

‘Well?’ Merry demanded.

‘I don’t feel any different… do I look any different?’

Merry examined his friend, as far as he could tell there was no change. Then, quite suddenly there was a Poof!

Merry took a moment to take in the situation before bursting out laughing.

Confused, Pippin glanced down and gasped.

Last time he had checked, he had been a guy. So Pippin was quite surprised to look down and see that he was now, most definitely, not a guy. At all.

His (or should we say her?) hair fell in softer curls to her shoulders. Her face was softer, yet more defined, with plumper lips and fuller lashes. She had smooth curves in all the right places and creamy white skin.

‘What?’ pippin managed to gasp. ‘What happened?’

‘I told you not to drink it.’ Merry gasped in between laughter.

‘No you didn’t!’ She protested, her voice must softer and feminine than before. This just caused Merry to laugh harder.

Pippin examined herself for a moment in a conveniently placed, full-length mirror that had appeared from nowhere since the previous paragraph.

‘Well, all things considered, at least I make a pretty girl,’ she said after a moments thought. Merry could think of no way to disagree and so remained silent.

‘But that didn’t help us get though that blasted door,’ Pippin sighed, getting on her knees and peering through the keyhole.

‘You want to go through love?’ The door asked. Now one may find it strange that the door talked, but we must remember that whilst normal people (or hobbits) would take this into consideration, Pippin is indeed a fool of a Took.

‘Yes please,’ she squealed polity, fluttering her eyelashes.

‘Just insert the key,’ the door explained.

‘What key?’ Merry asked in annoyance, looking slightly started that the door and his now female best friend were having a conversation.

‘Why, the one on the table, of course.’ Said the door.

And sure enough, on the table where it hadn’t been seconds before laid a large key that seemed too big for the door. Though our hobbits were starting to not let these small details bother them, for it seemed any thing was possible in this odd, odd land.

Pippin got up from her knees and hurried over to the table, swiping up the key and placing it in the much smaller keyhole. It fitted perfectly.

The door opened, and with it so did the wall, leaving the perfect sized door for the two hobbits to travel though. Pippin turned and waved goodbye to the door, who winked.

‘Look!’ Merry called, grabbing Pippins arm. ‘There’s that blasted rabbit!’ And sure enough, there was the rabbit, hurrying through the talking flowers.

Wait… talking flowers?

Merry shrugged and dragged Pippin after the rabbit and into a dark forest.

‘Looking for the rabbit?’ asked a slow and very annoying voice from the tree. Both hobbits looked up to see nothing, but after a moment a very annoying, large smile appeared. The smile, but nothing else.

‘Er, yeah…’ Merry said quietly.

A large eye opened, and then the other. Now, suspended in air was a smile and too unnaturally large blue eyes.

‘I am the ring cat.’ The mouth explained. And just like that the rest of the cat appeared. Basically, much to both hobbits amusement, it was Frodo with a stripy purple and pink cat body and ears. He even had his curly dark brown hair. It was quite a sight.

‘Hey Frodo’ Pippin waved.

‘I am the Ring Cat,’ Frodo repeated annoyed.

‘Okay. So where’s this rabbit dude?’ Merry asked.

‘The White Rabbit has gone the Queen of Hearts place.’ Said Frodo, his annoying cat grin still beaming down.

‘And where’s that?’ Merry asked.

‘Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dump approach…’

‘That didn’t answer---‘ But Merry cut off. For approaching them were two very fat people. One had long blonde hair and pointed ears; the other had frizzy red hair and beard. They both wore matching Black and Purple striped outfits and black caps.

‘Can we tell you a story?’ The fat Legolas demanded as he approached. Not so much as a hello, Pippin noted, finding this extremely rude.

‘Certainly not!’ She frowned.

Legolas turned and gasped at the beauty before him. He had never seen anything so beautiful.

‘If you stood in front of a mirror and held up 11 roses, you would see 12 of the most beautiful things in the world.’ He commented lovingly, his eyes glazed slightly.

‘If you stood in front of a mirror, it would break.’ Frodo commented dryly, waving his tail. For it had been Frodo that had attracted the attention of Legolas, much to the annoyance of the only female present.

‘Hello? Am I invisible?’ She demanded moodily.

‘Did someone say something?’ Legolas grinned. Pippin looked about ready to stab someone and Merry decided that at the rate things were going Pippin would not find that comment amusing.

‘Did… someone… say… something?’ Gimli wheezed, struggling to breathe though his laughter.

But Gimli would, obviously.

‘Do you know where the Queen of Hearts pla--’ Merry asked, holding Pippin back.

‘We shall tell you a story…’ Gimli interrupted.

‘We don’t want to hear your bloody story.’ Pippin growled though her clenched teeth. She was ignored.

Gimli and Legolas burst into a loud, out of tune and completely pointless song.

‘A long time ago, a Tweedle,

Well, not too long ago, a dumb,

There was an evil ring, a deedal

On an evil thumb!’

‘As I remember it wasn’t a thumb…’ Merry interrupted only to be hushed.

‘A hero on a journey, a doo,

To rid the rings evil powers, a dumb

He was a handsome elf, a Tweedle,

and an even more so dwarf, a deedal.’

‘Wait!’ Frodo interrupted angrily. ‘I think you’ll find I was the hero!’

He was ignored.

These two brave hero’s, a Tweedle,

Were afraid of nought, a dumb,

They thought the evil eye, a pie,

And destroyed the ring, a ping…’

By now our two hobbits had had enough and took their leave while Legolas and Gimli where hitting each other on the head with saucepans and doing a dodgy dance.

‘Merry,’ Pippin whined after a while, brushing her hair from her face.

‘Yeah?’

‘Im hungry.’

‘Your always hungry.’

‘Do you think I’ll get fat if I eat?’ Pippin asked worriedly. Merry rolled his eyes, but shook his head. Pippin smirked and hurried to the ground, picking up a mushroom and eating it before Merry could even try and stop her.

And then, Pippin grew.

And she grew.

And she grew.

And she grew.

Until she was a head taller than Merry. She cheered happily and then with a Poof she vanished. In her place was a green butterfly.

Merry chucked slightly and started walking again, the butterfly following him.

And then they came to a clearing, and in that clearing was a large table, and sitting at the table was Gandalf and Boromir, singing happily together.

‘A very merry un-birthday to you

To me?

To you!

Who me?’

Merry didn’t even want to ask, and so as quietly as he could he snuck past them and continued further still until he came to a large green caterpillar with the face of Sam, smoking a large pipe.

‘Y-o-u!’ Sam spelled out. Merry groaned.

‘Yeah what?’ he asked.

‘Y-o-u a-r-e v-e-r-y r-u-d-e’ Sam spelt out.

Merry shrugged. ‘Someone has to be.’

‘A b-e-e’

‘A bee?’

‘s-e-a d-e-e e-e-e e-f-f’ Sam continued to spell out.

‘You crazy caterpillar!’ Merry yelled, frustrated. He wanted nothing more to return to the Shire, smoke his pipe weed with his normal, non-female, none butterfly friend, and drink a whole load of ale.

So he walked off, ignoring Sam (‘c-o-m-e b-a-c-k ! I-m l-o-n-e-l-y!’)

At long last, Merry and the Butterfly Pippin arrived at a large castle. Merry was half tempted to stop and ask Bilbo why he was painting the apples on a tree red, but thought better of it. Instead he hurried over to the white rabbit and Aragorn, who was wearing a ridiculously large, red and white dress, stood.

‘Are you the queen of hearts?’ he asked the king of Gondor, who nodded cheerfully and hit a curled up hedgehog with the head of a pink flamingo.

‘Good. Can you send me and Pip home?’

‘No, but I can cut of your head if that helps?’ Aragorn asked sweetly. Merry examined his friend in awe.

‘No, that doesn’t help.’ He stated flatly.

Aragorn shrugged and continued playing croquet.

‘Try tapping you heals together three times and saying theirs no place like home.’ Said the rabbit, ducking just in time as the hedgehog came flying towards him.

‘Will that work?’ Merry asked.

‘It did for Dorothy.’ The rabbit shrugged. And so Merry did just that. He closed his eyes (for he felt it would work better that way) and clicked the heels of his shoes (that had curiously turned into red high heels – come to think of it, since when did hobbits even wear shoes??) three times.

‘There’s no place like home!’ He cried out. Faintly he heard Aragorn shout ‘Off with his head!’

And when he opened his eyes he was back in the Green Dragon, a glass of Ale in his hands. He had evidently been asleep as drool was sliding down his chin. He hastily wiped it away and turned to see Pippin, as normal, and as drunk as ever, having a deep and meaningful conversation with a small potted plant beside him.

And then he found himself laughing. Laughing like crazy. He only stopped when he saw that large smile, and those big blue eyes gazing at him from the corner of the room. He blinked, and then they were gone.

The end.